I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
