some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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