She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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