Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
