I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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