She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
