Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
