Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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