Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
