I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
