I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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