Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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