she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
