I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
