dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
