i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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