I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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