Nicole vs. Life
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
