The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
