Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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