I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
