i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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