i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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