Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
