I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
