I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
