did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
