i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
