just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
