I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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