it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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