it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
