I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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