dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
