I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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