he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
