I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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