I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
