when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
