I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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