Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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