You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
