so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
