I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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