Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
