yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
