i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
God, I missed his penis.
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