I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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