I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
