Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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