dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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