I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
