I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
