It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
