You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
