Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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