i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
