she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
