I didn't shave. On purpose
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
