eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Actions speak louder than pants.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
